INT. CELLAR – DAY

Two men, LUKE and BILLY sit at a table in the middle of the room. Musty light pours into the room from an open window, making the room look greyer than a dungeon.
Luke is fresh looking and handsome, with bright eyes and a constant smile. Billy is older, bigger, and not as attractive. He has a large, bent nose, and a devious smirk on his lips.
They sit, facing each other, with an intense gaze on both of their faces. A gun rests in the middle of the table.  They stare intently into each other’s eyes for fifteen seconds. A breeze from outside sends a piece of wrinkled paper drifting across the floor, then presses it against a wall.

LUKE

This is it, Billy. Where we distinguish the professionals from the amateurs. A rebirth.

Billy nods. Luke looks down at the gun, then back up into Billy’s cold eyes.
Luke slowly extends his shaking hand towards the gun. He grabs hold of the weapon, leaving it trembling in the center of the table. He never removes his eyes from Billy’s gaze.

LUKE

The first one is always the hardest, isn’t it, old friend? The threat of an early ending.  Not even the bloody result- but the game itself suffers. So, for the sake of the game, please, let me not be the one right now. Now. Now.

Luke brings the gun to his head and pulls the trigger. The gun goes click. Luke shakily places the gun back on the table.

LUKE

Whew.

Pause. BILLY

If it is my time, then the gun will decide it. You take my ashes, and you spread them over the countryside of my homeland of Sicily. (beat) Well, Luke, my friend. You live by the gun…

Billy quickly brings the gun up to his head.

BILLY (CONT’D)

…and you die by the gun!

Billy squints his eyes and pulls the trigger, but no shot goes off. Billy gasps for breath, opening his eyes wide. Luke lets out the breath he had been holding in his lungs until the trigger was pulled.

LUKE

Two down, four to go.

Billy roughly puts the gun back in the center of the table. Both men look at the gun.

LUKE (CONT’D)

Or maybe one to go. If I grab this gun, and I pull this trigger, I can be one shot closer to glory (beat) or it will all be over.

Luke grabs the gun and gazes into its barrel; its soul.

LUKE (CONT’D)

It’s when you’re faced with your end that you see parts of you that you want to kill (beat) and maybe a little something that you want to live on forever. Well my friend, what’s it gonna be?

Luke places the gun against his head, looking straight ahead, and pulls the trigger. No explosion. Luke closes his eyes and nods his head in agreement.

LUKE

Yes.

He puts the gun back in the center of the table, pointing directly at Billy.

BILLY

That’s three.

LUKE

Three left.

BILLY

Three left.

Billy snatches the gun from the center of the table, instantly bringing it to his temple.

BILLY

Forgive me, father!

Billy pulls the trigger, and nothing happens. Billy exhales.

BILLY

Oh…

LUKE

Wow.

Billy immediately puts the gun back on the table. Luke looks at it, worried.

BILLY

Four down, two to go. There is now a fifty percent chance that you will not see tomorrow’s daylight. If you are afraid, that is it. You call it. I win. Is it worth it to you, my friend?

LUKE

I would rather die than end this day without proving myself.

Luke puts the gun against his head and closes his eyes, Billy looking on intently. Luke opens his eyes.

LUKE

50/50 chance. Dead or alive.  Living legend or fallen hero.

BILLY

Or you can call it now, if your stomach isn’t feeling up to it.

Luke hesitates. Billy starts to stand.

BILLY

Alright then, it was a good run you had, and a great match we had!

Luke pulls the trigger, and all it does is click. Luke and Billy just stare at each other for ten seconds, eyes wider than their mouths can open. Luke puts the gun down on the table.

LUKE

It was the best match ever played. Down to round number six. Do not be ashamed to have lost this one, it was a-

Billy reaches out again and grabs the gun.

BILLY

Quiet! This is my time. Mark this: every inch of my body is elevated on a new plane of self-realization, and I can not die! Don’t you see? I am invincible!

LUKE

Billy, it’s the sixth round! Don’t do it! It won’t prove anything!

BILLY

This is it! This is when I live forever! This is when I prove myself immortal!

Billy brings the gun up to his head.

LUKE

Billy, stop it! Just stop!

Billy closes his eyes.

LUKE

Billy! BILLY!!

Billy pulls the trigger as Luke turns his head away. Click. Luke looks all around, searching the entire cellar except for the five-foot area he expected to see Billy’s dead body. He looks at Billy, who is smiling, and holding the gun out at Luke.
 

LUKE What? What happened?

BILLY

Nothing. Nothing happened. What?

LUKE

Why are you still here? You…

BILLY

Well I didn’t load the gun.

LUKE

What!?

BILLY

I thought this was another pretend one!

LUKE

What!? I told you to load it!

BILLY

Yeah, but I thought that was all part of the practice! I didn’t know you wanted this to be the real one!

LUKE

Goddamn! I pissed in my pants! I’m not joking, I literally urinated on myself! Oh God!

BILLY

That’s gross.

LUKE

I can’t believe you! You knew that nothing was going to happen that whole time! Sprinkle my ashes over Sicily!? Man, I didn’t wanna say anything, but that line really sucked! But I let it go because I thought it was forreal!

BILLY

Well, how was I supposed to know you were serious this time?

LUKE

Billy! I brought in Pepe!

Luke motions to the far corner of the room where PEPE, a tiny Spanish man, is sitting in a chair, watching the two men in the center of the room with a pad and pen.

BILLY

You know what, I don’t even think he speaks English!

LUKE

That, is crazy! Pepe! Pepe, over here!

Pepe looks up at Luke.

LUKE

Pepe, did you write down what happened here?

PEPE

Si.

LUKE

You see that!? “Si” means yes. He wrote down the whole thing, and-

BILLY

Well, I’m sorry okay. Damn, you sound upset that your best friend didn’t die!

LUKE

Yeah I am! No, I mean. Well, one of us had to, so the other one had the experience of a real one!

BILLY

Well, you sorta did. You thought it was real!

LUKE

I didn’t have any experience, and we both wasted Pepe’s time! Writer’s have things to do too, ya know! That’s it, Pepe, you can go home now.

PEPE

Si.

LUKE

Si. Go. Sorry.

PEPE

Si.

Pepe stands where he is.

BILLY

Not a word of English.

Luke stands still, rage building in his face. He slowly turns his head from Pepe to look at Billy.

LUKE

You… are a coward.

BILLY

Because I didn’t shoot myself in the head!?

LUKE

Yes.

BILLY

Fine, here!

Billy takes a bullet out of his pocket and loads it into the gun’s chamber, ready to be fired.

BILLY

Here, shoot me then!  That’ll make everything better!

LUKE

No, shoot yourself!

BILLY

Maybe I’ll shoot you!

LUKE

Goddamnit, that is not how it’s done!

They both stand, looking at each other. Pepe is in the corner, writing in his notepad. Luke curiously looks over at Pepe.

LUKE

Pepe, what are you writing?

Pepe looks up.

PEPE

Si.

Luke and Billy walk over to Pepe, who holds out his notepad for their approval. On the front page is drawn a picture of a dinosaur eating an airplane, and the pilot with lightning bolts coming out of his eyes. Pepe smiles as Billy and Luke look at the picture.
Billy and Luke then look at each other. Billy smiles, hands Luke the gun, and nods. Luke nods. Luke points the gun directly at Pepe’s face and pulls the trigger. Click. He pulls it five more times, and each time the gun just clicks at him. Pepe looks curiously at Luke.
 

LUKE

Dammit, Billy, did you even load the bullet!

BILLY

Of course not! I just faked it.

Luke runs his hand through his hair, dumfounded.

BILLY

You would’ve shot Pepe in the face!

LUKE

You’re out. You are the most unprofessional gangster wannabe I have ever met! Just get out!

BILLY

You know, I don’t think they really play Russian Roulette anymore anyways.

LUKE

Oh, shut up and just leave!

BILLY

No! This is my mom’s house, Luke! I don’t have to go anywhere! I can call the cops and have them escort you out though!

Luke gathers his jacket from the back of his seat and starts up the stairs.

LUKE

You don’t have to, because you’re never gonna see me again. Not until the day you die.

BILLY

Yeah, who cares?

LUKE

Your mom’s stupid brownies sucked!

Luke runs up the stairs and slams the door behind him.

BILLY

You suck! Man…

Billy and Pepe are left alone in the cellar, Pepe looking at Billy with a large smile.

BILLY

Hey, you wanna stay for dinner?

PEPE

Si.

Billy puts his arm around Pepe, and together they walk up the stairs.

BILLY

That’s a really good drawing. Do you take classes?

FADE TO BLACK.

THE END