Derek steps up to the counter, wearing his default outfit- dirty jeans, ratty T-shirt, and Army jacket. His hair is mussed, and his eyes droopy. Waiting for him at the counter is Frederick, wearing his neat, ugly Chicken King outfit. He is as groomed as a prize dog.

DEREK- Yeah, can I have a chicken deluxe with medium fries and a cup of ice water?

FREDERICK- Oh? Will that be all?

DEREK- Uh, well, I…

FREDERICK- Are you sure you want to end there? There is nothing else you might want to say to me? Well, buddy?

Derek looks around the area, to see if anyone can hear him. There is an attractive girl standing behind him, and he takes notice. He then turns back to Frederick.

DEREK- No, that’s all, thanks! Cluck…

FREDERICK- Well, if that’s all, then your total will be four thirty-nine.

DEREK- Wait, there’s that deal, right? The fifty-cents off deal?

FREDERICK- That is only for our customers who cluck like a chicken. Sorry.

DEREK- I did cluck. I said “cluck.”

FREDERICK- No, you said, “that’s all, cup.” Four thirty-nine, please.

DEREK- No, I get my fifty cents off for clucking!

FREDERICK- I can’t give it to you, sir.

DEREK- Come on!

FREDERICK- No!

The Manager enters, looking appalled at the scene at the counter.

MANAGER- What exactly is the trouble here?

FREDERICK- He didn’t cluck, sir!

DEREK- He’s a liar!

MANAGER- I’m sorry, but if you don’t cluck like a chicken, we cannot give you the fifty-cent discount. You can cluck now if you want.

FREDERICK- Sir, then he’ll just be doing it to get the discount, not to show his passion for our juicy, delicious chicken deluxe!

MANAGER- Good point, Frederick. Sorry, you must pay the full price.

DEREK- But I already clucked!

MANAGER- Is this true?

FREDERICK- That remains to be proven! First of all, I specifically heard him say, “that’s all… cup” asking me to give him his cup. And even if he did say the word “cluck” it was a sorry excuse for a cluck, sir. It sounded nothing at all like a chicken, be it real or a cartoon.

DEREK- You didn’t say my cluck was being graded!

MANAGER- Oh, so you admit that your cluck was below acceptable quality?

DEREK- No…

MANAGER- I’ve heard enough- full price.

FREDERICK- Four dollars and thirty-nine full cents, please.

DEREK- Man!

Derek digs through his pockets, realizing he hasn’t enough money to pay for his meal. He looks up at Frederick and The Manager, empty handed.

DEREK- Well, now I can’t afford it.

MANAGER- Get out of my store! Out!

Derek slinks out of the store, defeated.

FREDERICK- You can tell a lot about a man by his cluck. And that was no man.

MANAGER- You said it, friend. Not a man at all…

THE END