- Cuss out my wife

- Get higher than any man has ever been, using Windex, fire ants, and molten lava

- Self-imposed Dirty Sanchez

- Proclaim that I am King of Nakedonia

- Bribe God into sparing me

- Document the Apocalypse and write a best-selling novel

- Blame it on the homosexuals

- Buy stock in Mars and all Mars-related industries

- Pour six billion forties, for all my fallen homies, including myself

- Point out all the inaccuracies in Revelations, then snicker to myself