Dear Mr. Senator,

    Exactly what are you trying to pull here?  You may be the final word with your wife and kids, but I am not so easily intimidated by your multi-colored displays of lacking manhood.  You throw around words like ‘armaments’ and ‘artillery’ like you have the vaguest understanding or appreciation for such weaponry.  I assure you, when faced with your imminent death or torture, these tools you found so excessive in my possession will seem quite necessary for your survival.  I will be freed from this institution of sodomy and corruption in three weeks, assuming my behavior remains to their liking.  Try another stunt like this and I will tickle the inside of your stomach with a broken bottle of the cheapest beer I can find.  It will most certainly be domestic, which leaves as bitter a taste in my mouth as your ill-formed political views and conformist public agenda.  As long as you stay out of my way, I will do my best to keep the next year as quiet as possible for you until the next election, when the next invertebrate slinks into that black chair.  Until then, enjoy your last days locking up innocent, heavily armed intellectuals such as myself.  I fully intend to write you on a regular basis, as I have been doing, until you reply with a written apology, signed in your cold, green blood.
 

Disgustedly yours,

David L. Golding