It was the first day of the ninth grade, an endeavor known as freshman orientation to our hero, Captain Meltyface.  He started out the day on a bright and hopeful note, but by the time his frog-leg breakfast was done, he got the nervous jitters in his belly.  Would the other kids like him?  Would he make a good first impression on his teachers?  Would anybody notice anything besides his 17th century pirate captain outfit and his slack, drooping face, which was hideously melted beyond recognition?  There was no way he was going to school that day.  He sprinted into his room, buried his liquefied face deep into his pillow, and refused to meet the bus.  Then his mother came into the room.  “Don’t you worry, Captain Meltyface,” she said to him.  “All the other kids are just as nervous as you are, and all of them want to be accepted as much as you do.  But how many of them do you think are captains?”  He lifted his head a bit from the pillow.  “How many do you think are captains,” his mother repeated.  He mumbled “none.”  She asked again, “How many?”  “None.” He replied, gaining confidence with every second.  A smile crept onto his monstrous visage.  They hugged, and Captain Meltyface went off to school.  It was a glorious day!  He seemed cool and confident compared to many of his peers, who cried and urinated on themselves once they saw the captain.  Boy, his mom was right.  They were REALLY nervous…