“See, I had a great company once. My name is Alexander Thurwell Soylent, and I owned a fantastic fruit juice company. I was so successful, in fact, that my company was able to purchase our rival beverage company, Sweet Tea Incorporated. Feeling that it would be better to expand my business than to merely absorb the competition, I kindly allowed the Sweet Tea employees to keep their jobs- making tea for me now!
    “Then, for some reason that I still haven’t discovered, our sales completely disappeared! We had a quality beverage, which was incredibly delicious and abnormally healthy, made only from all natural products. And we offered it for only $1.09 a bottle! Yet, for some reason, the next month saw to the downfall of the Soylent Tea Company. Our Soylent Green Tea is actually proven to add years to your life, yet no one has even given the drink a chance. It is very frustrating.”
    With this, Alexander takes a swig of his tea. Jane Vera, the lady interviewer for Forbes Magazine, sits upright and rigid as she watches Alexander devour his drink. She is secretly wondering if taking the assignment on the downfall of the Soylent Tea Company was a wise decision.
    “Would you like a Soylent Green Tea? I even brought you an extra bottle.”
    “No!” Jane exclaimed. She then inched over in her chair, as far away from Alexander Thurwell Soylent as she could physically get.
    “But, it adds years to your life! It’s delicious!”
Alexander stands and starts to advance on Jane, holding out a Soylent Green Tea in front of him as he does so. Jane starts to panic, scootching back in her chair as far as she can, and finally standing, backing up against the wall. The closer the smiling Alexander gets, then more terrified Jane looks, until finally…
    “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!” she screams, with the fury of initial creation behind her voice. She sprints out of the room, crying as the door closes behind her. Alexander just looks sullen, the tea still in his hands. He then bellows up to the heavens:
    “But Soylent Green Tea is not people! Not people! It is made from plants and juices! Not people, I say! Why won’t anyone believe me when I say that Soylent Green Tea is certainly not people!?!?”

THE END