Back in my day, noon was in the morning, and we would wake up every evening for a full-day's worth of plowing in the ole corn fields.  Of course, back then "corn" was another name for "cyanide", due to its yellow color and mushy taste.  So there we were, sweating under the moonlight, which was half as expensive as sunlight because of its lacking luminosity.  Nice-Guy Salazaar was our motivational whipper, and he was world-renowned for his invention of the shot glass, whose original purpose was to keep all bullets you had been shot with.  Whoever had the most by the end of the week would be rewarded with an extra shot for next week's competition and the biggest lucky rabbit's tooth you ever did see!  Back then the rabbits used gophers to chew their food for them, until the great Gopher Revolution of 1987!  Which brings me to the original topic of this conversation, that I will not start another revolution like that until I see more elves in the Super Bowl...