Um, let's see, last weekend... oh! Last weekend I murdered my mom, dad, and two sisters in an all-night, quadruple-homicide, drug, and alcohol bender. Boy, was that a wild night! The cop came to my door when neighbors complained of the noise, and I had four murdered relatives, a nose full of poison, a head full of absinthe, and a pizza burning in the oven to deal with! I was running around like crazy trying to clean up the place! I felt just like Cary Grant in one of his wacky screwball situations. I thought for sure I was busted! Then I got this great idea that totally saved my ass- I cut the cop into pieces and put him in my neighbor's yard, framing them for the crime that, only moments earlier, I had committed! It was genius, just like Tom Cruise in All The Right Moves. I even danced around in my blood-soaked underpants. If only I had a camera! I'm actually wearing them right now, see? Cool, huh? So, yeah, that was that. How was your weekend?

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